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August 31, 2006: Thoughts From Hell Week Work has occupied much of my time this week. I’ve spent three days on the road. That includes two trips to Charleston and one to Wayne County. As soon as my day ends, another begins. During my drives, I try and think about things to distract me from whatever bothers me. This week, I’ve focused on the following thoughts: 1) The Cincinnati Reds suck. They’ve managed to take themselves out of the pennant race. 2) This season of Big Brother All-Stars really interests me. I can’t believe how stupid the contestants are to have allowed Chilltown to dominate the game. 3) Since Jim Davis gave Jon Arbuckle a girlfriend, Garfield’s quality has improved immeasurably. 4) I’ve lost track of how many fantasy football teams I’ve drafted. 5) The new McDonald’s chicken mcnuggets do, in fact, taste new and improved. 6) Descartes is overrated. So is Kant. 7) It takes only one unreasonable person to screw up things. 8) I can’t believe that French restaurant in downtown Charleston is still open for business. 9) Everything’s going to be alright. Because it has to be. 10) I need to buy the second season of Lost when it arrives on dvd next week.
August 27, 2006: Help Is On The Way, The Coal Bowl’s Here Next Week, But, First, Let’s Air An Old Football Game From 1997 And Pre-Empt That New Episode Of Big Brother Because Everybody In West Virginia Loves College Football, Especially Watching Decade-Old Games Between Marshall And West Virginia Tonight at 8 p.m., I planned on watching tonight’s Big Brother on CBS. And our local network affiliate airs a football game between Marshall and West Virginia. With Randy Moss and Chad Pennington. From last decade. If Chilltown were in charge, this would never have happened.
August 26, 2006: Why Is This Man Scowling?
I still don’t understand his delay in response to Hurricane Katrina. I understand, but I don’t understand. Nobody expects Dubya to stop a hurricane, but is it too much to ask him to display some compassion when a crisis unfolds? Bill Clinton displayed a perpetual smirk on his face. But at least Clinton could convince me that he thinks about our pain. I look at that picture on the left, and the only thing I’m convinced of about Bush is that he thinks he’s a blowfish.
August 24, 2006: Soup Du Jour Sometimes when I’m driving and I pass a gas station where the cheapest unleaded sells for nearly three bucks a gallon, I start thinking about President Bush and how he probably never has to pump his own gas. Then I start thinking that he probably doesn’t even make his own breakfast, but, of course, if it’s 8 a.m. and I’m driving, I haven’t made my own breakfast either only because it’s a Thursday and I don’t eat breakfast on Thursdays or any other day of the week that doesn’t begin with the letter S. And then I start thinking that I could sure use another vacation and how if I were president, which, of course, I would never want to be even if it meant I could receive the full dvd set of the original Twilight Zone series for free, I wouldn’t take more than a couple weeks’ vacation a year. When we’re on vacation, we don’t need to prepare our meals or do the dishes. Our house doesn’t have a dishwasher. Our old house had one. Our old house also had a larger kitchen than our new home, which is much older than our old house. But the matzoh ball soup my wife makes here still tastes great. Sometimes I wonder if President Bush has ever tasted matzoh ball soup. And if he has, I imagine his asking Laura Bush if she’ll mind whipping him up some when he comes home from a meeting with other world leaders, and as he sits down to eat his matzoh ball soup with his wife, I think of his telling her about his day and how he rubbed the back of a high-ranking German official, and how funny he thought it was, and then he looks down at his bowl of matzoh ball soup and remembers that he’s the president and he doesn’t even like matzoh ball soup, but that he thought Joe Lieberman was visiting for dinner this evening. Then I pull into my driveway, and I see my kids looking at me from our window, and my mind stops wandering and I remember how much I love matzoh ball soup that my wife is making for us tonight.
August 23, 2006: The Thirty-Two-Second Survivor Recap
They filmed in Australia, Africa and some places in the Pacific Ocean. Some female contestants posed nude for Playboy. They pitted the guys against the girls in the Amazon. Rupert the Pirate lost, but later won because everyone loved him best of all. Rob married Amber and they played in The Amazing Race and made sure to remind everybody that they were, indeed, Rob and Amber. Then I stopped caring. Then a jury found the naked guy guilty of tax evasion. And now they announce this. Take a close look at the picture’s background. Does anyone else think they see a shark’s fin in that water? (Above photo: AP Photo/CBS, Monty Brinton)
August 20, 2006: I’m Justice Ginsberg (Thanks, Flapjam!)
August 20, 2006: Now Playing For Team Wabi-Sabi Congratulations to Jim, Carol, and Jake on the newest addition to their family, Jonah!
August 19, 2006: Take The Wikipedia Challenge! It’s time to play everyone’s favorite newly-invented internet game of wits and wackiness. . . . welcome to WIKIPEDIA CHALLENGE! The object of Wikipedia Challenge! is simple: Review a list of subjects and guess the one that doesn’t rate a Wikipedia entry or features the briefest Wikipedia entry among all the listed entries. Play alone or with friends. (I recommend the latter at a party with your favorite food and beverages of choice with some Matisyahu tunes in the background.) Or add your own variations to the game. Today’s inaugural Wikipedia Challenge! features prominent West Virginians: Jesco White Governor Joe Manchin Don Blankenship Mothman Can you guess who has the briefest Wikipedia entry? (Don’t peek!) Click here for the answer. And remember: Everyone who plays Wikipedia Challenge! wins. The only way to lose is not to play. Disclaimer: Wikipedia Challenge! is NOT affiliated, connected, endorsed, or recognized by Wikipedia, which has its own extensive Wikipedia entry. Wikipedia Challenge! has no Wikipedia entry and may not even exist.
August 17, 2006: Ten Biographical Film Roles Other Than Ed Wood That I Would Love To See Johnny Depp Portray 10. Bill Veeck 9. Hugh Hefner 8. Pablo Picasso 7. Albert Einstein 6. Dr. Seuss 5. Ray Kroc 4. Andy Warhol 3. Rasputin 2. Syd Barrett 1. Le Pétomane
August 13, 2006: Another Looney Tunes Golden Collection Release Mark November 14 on your calendar for the release of more classic Warner Brothers cartoons. Animation aficionado Jerry Beck has the full story (with additional links). The fourth volume features several cartoons with Speedy Gonzalez. I had hoped that we’d see more pre-World War II cartoons. Considering more than a thousand Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies shorts exist, it will take several more years before collectors can acquire them all. That reminds me. As we approach the eighteenth (!) season of The Simpsons, its eighth season finally arrives on dvd this Tuesday.
August 12, 2006: Time Flies Like An Arrow, Fruit Flies Like A Banana Our family celebrated a couple milestones this week. My son found his “potty power” and stopped using diapers. And this date marks my one-year anniversary of employment in my current job. Since the births of our children, I perceive time passing quickly. I think back to when I was a boy, and the summer seemed to last forever. Then September finally came, and I found myself walking down the creaky wood floors of an elementary school classroom. I never liked August with its back-to-school sales. But I did appreciate that my mom bought me those really cool NFL pencils. I wasn’t a big football fan, but the other kids were, and they would offer to buy them from me. I remember high school. I skipped every prom. Then there was college. Time seemed to slow down a little for my freshman year. I was so homesick. But by my junior year, when I started writing for the Jester and played cards with my friends into the wee hours of the night, the days quickly passed. The next thing I knew, I was back at home with a bachelor’s degree and no clue about what my future held. I thought law school would slow down things. But New Orleans was so much fun, it accelerated everything--especially the hair loss. Then I became a lawyer and someone was throwing me a thirtieth birthday party with yellow and black balloons in my office. Last month, when I celebrated my six-year anniversary with my wife, I told her that I couldn’t believe how fast the years have gone. It seems like we’ve known each other forever. And now even forever seems to fly.
August 11, 2006: Say It Ain’t So, Joe
Coincidence? I think not.
August 6, 2006: Much Ado About Nursing
My wife (who breastfed our son) and I have devoted some serious thought to this matter. No wonder women don’t nurse longer. We’ve devised a solution to the concerns of those moms who want to breastfeed but believe it is immoral to do so, or those moms who dare to nurse in public but want to appease judgmental strangers. We call it the Modest Mom’s Nipple Shield.
August 4, 2006: Sold Out With the wife and kids visiting my in-laws tonight, I watched Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. I enjoy Will Ferrell’s comedy and I loved the film. I paid for my ticket with my credit card. After the cashier handed me my stub and receipt, I noticed that I had bought not one, but two tickets. There were several people waiting in line, and I asked two guys if either was going to watch Talledega Nights. When one of them answered “yes,” I told him that I would sell him one of my tickets, but he looked at me like I was some deviant dude who had nothing better to do on a Friday night. Having failed to pawn my extra Talledega Nights ticket, I went inside the lobby and asked the ticket taker what I needed to do to receive a refund. She told me I needed to get back in the ticket purchase line, which was now much longer than it was a few minutes earlier. After I got back in the line, I kept asking people if anyone was going to watch Talledega Nights. Several people replied that they were, but, incredibly, none were going to watch the 7:00 p.m. show. I even offered to sell my ticket for less than what I paid, but I had no takers, so I waited in line until I reached the cashier who sold me the extra ticket, and she gave me a refund. When I left the theater at 9:00 p.m., I looked up at the two Talledega Nights movie posters. Both had “Sold Out” notices posted on them. Go figure.
August 1, 2006: The Apologist Apologizes In a pleasantly surprising turn of events, Mel Gibson has offered this apology to the Jewish Community. I guess he read my post. (Snicker, snicker) Seriously, I have to give the guy his due. While many of his supporters are still defending him, Gibson himself is actually taking responsibility for his hurtful words. Okay, so sure, he still says he’s not an anti-Semite or a bigot, which I might not agree with, and it’s possible his apology is a requirement for the rehab program he’s in (aren’t apologies a requirement in a twelve-step program?), but still, a good apology is a good apology. The part that gives me hope that he is sincere is when he asks to meet with Jewish leaders and says, “ I am in the process of understanding where those vicious words came from during that drunken display, and I am asking the Jewish community, whom I have personally offended, to help me on my journey through recovery.” Call me an idealist, but I hear myself asking, “What but good could come of this?” Posted by Donutbabe
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One year ago, I called it 
It started with Tagi and Pagong and a naked guy named Richard. The naked guy won the million.
After Senator Joe Lieberman announced he would pursue his bid for independent re-election in Connecticut, CNN reported that 
With Mel Gibson having made his apology, it’s now time to move forward with this week’s new controversy: The Babytalk Breastfeeding Magazine Cover! In a poll of 4,000 readers,