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January 31, 2004: 9 Degrees
It's nine degrees. Another nasty, freezing day added to the last two weeks of cold weather. I wanted to go shopping today. So did my wife. But it looks like we'll have to wait to purchase the lightbulbs. Of course, if my pal Jim visits to watch the Superbowl tomorrow, I'll need to buy some snackies.
This is not the time to persuade me that global warming is real.
January 29, 2004: Exersaucer
As I type this, my wife is filming our son in his exersaucer. At eight months and five days, this kid really knows how to entertain us. He jumps and jumps and bounces and jumps and jumps and giggles and jumps and bounces and babbles. Now he's laughing uncontrollably. Oh...and there's a squeal. What did we feed him for dinner, I ask my wife. Greenbeans, Cheerios and some breast milk, she answers.
I gotta remember that next time I run out of energy bars.
January 28, 2004: Breakdown
My car had a breakdown last Friday. It wasn't nervous. It was dehydrated. I wish I had known how thirsty my 1999 Toyota Camry was. I would have gladly given it water. But by the time it finally burbled its cry for help and stalled, it was at a busy intersection nowhere near any gas station.
If my car could talk, it would have told me not to leave my cellphone on the windowsill in my office. It would have told me that it isn't fun to stand in the cold with windchills resulting in temperatures below ten degrees. It would have told me that I must remember not to delay changing its oil because that burns the engine and engines cost thousands of dollars. It would have told me that fortunately, for me, nice people do exist, and that a gentleman in a pick-up truck would let me use his cellphone to call my wife and the towtruck.
Maybe I should just buy one of those genius talking parrots instead.
January 24, 2004: To Stupidity And Beyond
I love the Toy Story films--especially the character of Buzz Lightyear. Buzz, as you may recall, is a battery-powered, toy astronaut. He has wings and believes he can fly. He can't. But that doesn't stop him from trying as he jumps from great heights (toy-wise anyway) and exclaims:
TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!
When I heard about the man's plan last week, I recalled the antics of Buzz Lightyear. Then I got angry. Or as I like to say "hoppin' mad."
What were our leaders thinking (and I use that term very loosely here) when they hatched this plan to go to Mars? Do they really believe that we're ready to plan a colony on another planet? Let's see. . . we still have people:
. . . who live in cardboard boxes in our largest cities.
. . . who lack health insurance and cannot afford medical treatment should they become ill.
. . . who lack access to clean drinking water.
. . . who cannot read.
. . . who believe that Wal*Mart sells walls
. . . who cannot find gainful employment (despite their repeated attempts to do so).
. . . who believe that "Chicken of the Sea" is a brand of canned chicken
. . . who await trial or serve prison sentences for crimes they did not commit.
. . . who think "misunderestimate" is in the dictionary.
You know I could list more. We simply have to solve the problems in our country and on this planet first. So, please, don't mistake my rant against the Mars program for opposition to space exploration. Space travel serves purposes (as do shopping malls and instant coffee). Our space programs employ thousands of people. I simply don't understand why the man and his administration want to embark on this Mars plan now.
According to the plan, we're going to build a base on the moon first. I suppose that should allow for potty breaks for those few hundred millionaire space travellers (you know, the only ones who could afford the airfare to travel to Mars). Doesn't Lance Bass want to travel in space? This is a really great opportunity. . .can you imagine the satisfaction of seeing Lance's goofy grin as he experiences zero gravity? Wow, imagining THAT makes me forget how angry I am about this Mars thing. And maybe that's the man's plan. Who cares about all our problems on Mother Earth. Give us some inspired astronaut antics and we'll be happy!
TO STUPIDITY AND BEYOND!
January 20, 2004: Forgotten Lunch
Today, I forgot to meet one of my friends for lunch. That's the first time I've done that. I didn't even remember until my friend called me. At work, the receptionist receives all the calls, and then tells me who is on the line. I picked up my friend's call and said:
"Hey, what's goin' on?"
"What happened to you at lunch," said my friend.
"Oh, man...I forgot...oh man...oh I am so sorry...oh man..."
"It's okay. Don't worry about it."
"Oh, man...I AM SO SORRY...I ...UM COMPLETELY FORGOT...I AM REALLY SORRY...."
"No problem."
"Oh wow...oh man...I can't believe it..."
Actually, I didn't use the word "man" as repeatedly as I've transcribed the conversation. Use your imagination and simply substitute a colorful four-letter word of your choice. (Preferably use one that starts with a letter in the last half of the alphabet). But I did repeatedly offer my apologies. I simply couldn't believe I had forgotten the meeting.
Before I became a parent, I had time to remember everything. Soon, I'll have to pack my lunch and write my name on the outside of the brown bag.
January 18, 2004: Welcome To Donutbuzz
It's been almost seven years since I started my first webpage. Much has happened since then. I've lost a father, found a wife, and fathered a son.
My first webpage was called "Hoyt's Webpage." That later evolved into "Hoyt's Hip Webpage," and, then, as I became more cynical about my dating life, "Mr. Platonic's Hip Webpage." I maintained the "Mr. Platonic" site for about a year and wrote various rants about politics, Halloween, and how much I despise Barney. I think only five people even read the site, which included my sister, and some weird dude who sent me an e-mail taking issue with my writing style. Then, to my surprise, I discovered that someone I worked with had created his own "Mr. Platonic" site. I know plagiarism isn't cool, but it made me feel great about all my work on my webpage.
In early 1999, I began investing in the stock market. If you invested in the bull market of the late 1990s, you understand the frenzy of the market. If you didn't, you probably have a much better retirement account than I do. Anyway, about the same time that I lost my 401k money, I lost interest in maintaining my website. Soon after, I met my wonderful wife. That sounds hackneyed, I know, but my wife is wonderful. And, anyway, if you think it sounds trite, it's probably because you, like me, have watched too many game shows. . . ."Well, Pat, I have a wonderful wife, a beautiful baby boy, and I enjoy playing guitar, reading, and scuba diving."
Well, okay. I've never been scuba diving. But that sounds better than saying I enjoy watching The Simpsons.
All content copyrighted by HEG 2004-2007.
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