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A La Carte Huh? The Blonde Goddess Is Confused West Virginia Political Sweatbox and, of course,
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My e-mail works: expressivecynic [at]yahoo.com |
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March 31, 2006: FINAL SNACKOFF: HOT DOG V. DONUT Or is that smackoff? May the best snack win. Link to results. Link to threaded message area. The poll will close on Tuesday, April 4, 2006 at 7:32 p.m. West Virginia time. And, yes, I’m voting for donut. Once. March 29, 2006: Hot Dog v. Donut And Versatility Hot dog defeated popcorn 8-5. Donut upset the chocolate bar 7-5. Now some may claim that the hot dog isn’t a snack, but that it’s a meal. It’s true, you can eat a hot dog as a meal. I had two Hebrew National brand hot dogs for dinner tonight. But sometimes, if I’m at an amusement park, or I need a quick food fix, I’ll grab a hot dog, then I’ll eat my main meal later. The same holds true for donuts. I can eat them as snackies, and I can also consume a whole bag (powdered kind) as a meal. When you consider it, hot dogs and donuts are truly versatile foods. That’s why they’re in the finals and chocolate bar and popcorn aren’t. You can’t consider chocolate bars or popcorn as meals--and if you did, you wouldn’t want to admit it. But you can admit--as I have--to eating donuts and hot dogs as meals.
March 28, 2006: This Final Four Doesn’t Include George Mason And It’s Tastier Vote now. Poll will close tomorrow at 7 p.m. That is all.
March 27, 2006: It’s Hot Dog. . . And Donut, Yeah, Donut, That’s The Ticket In overtime, the hot dog crunched the nachos. And the donut and potato chips match? Um. . . it was tied when the voting closed at 7:00 p.m., which means that the tiebreaking vote in favor of potato chips does not count. And in the event of a tie, we go to the comments: 1. In the morning donuts rule, but the other 3/4 of the day chips are best. 2. The Buzz is true. You have to have donuts. If they don't win it will be "ugh-ly". 3. Potatochipsbuzz.com was never an option. Go Donut! That’s 2 1/4 comments for donuts, 3/4 for potato chips. Donuts win! And now to the matches: Popcorn v. Hot Dog and Chocolate Bar v. Donut. We’ll have the poll up soon, and remember to vote your conscience.
Update: Click here for Overtime poll. Come on, you know you love polls of any kind! In a few days, we’re having the draft in our Yahoo! fantasy baseball league. I’m excited about playing because fellow blogging buddies Cathy and Steve, Ian, The Film Geek, Jim and Spinster Girl will be competing with me. Last year, my fantasy baseball team--Overpaidfreeagents--reached the finals. The Overpaidfreeagents finished second on the final day of the season when its pitching collapsed, which allowed the winner to win the WHIP category by a fraction of a point. Talk about heartbreak. My team had dominated the regular season and I could see the virtual first-place trophy in my Yahoo! trophy case after the first week of the match. But that’s the problem with playoffs. The regular season doesn’t matter--which leads me to this week’s disappointing outcome between the nachos and the hot dog. As a West Virginia fan of hot dogs, I hoped the nachos would lose to the wiener, and for awhile, it looked like that might happen. But a flurry of votes (and by a flurry of votes I mean 5 or 6 people) resulted in a tie by Thursday evening (and by evening I mean around 5 p.m. when we had macaroni and cheese for dinner). I had posted that voting would close by 8 p.m. on Thursday, but the truth of the matter is that I didn’t check the results again until Friday morning--which is when I saw that someone had voted for the nachos. Little did I realize the controversy that my decision would engender. Now I know that some will argue that the hot dog may not qualify as a snack. In the words of Stanton: Putting [the hot dog] in a competition like this was folly. It was like putting Itzhak Perlman [in] a kazoo competition. I won’t quarrel with him. To be frank, the hot dog deserved better. But I also don’t want anyone to question the integrity of the DBET or its voting system. If I did, then I would have devised an electoral college process for the voting. So in lieu of any lingering questions, doubts or frustration with the nachos/hot dog match (and the donut/potato chip match, which was also decided by one vote), we’re (and by we’re I mean I’m deciding) going to hold a Snack-Off. Here are the rules, which I’m also making up now: 1) Post your vote for either the nachos or hot dog AND either the donut or potato chips in the comments. Feel free to elaborate on your views of the merits or lack thereof for the snackies. 2) You may comment as often as you want, but may only vote once for each match. Your votes will be time-stamped as long as haloscan functions. 3) Voting will end by 7 p.m. Monday, March 27, 2006. The snack with the most votes wins. In the event of a tie, the winner will be determined by the merits of the arguments advanced either for or against the snacks. 4) If nobody votes and/or comments, then the nachos and donut will advance. The winner of the nachos/hot dog match will face popcorn. The winner of the donut/potato chips match will face the chocolate bar. Now I need to rank my baseball players for Monday’s draft. Have a great weekend!
March 24, 2006: Heartbreakers We had some stunning matches in the recent DBET pairings. Popcorn, nachos, chocolate bar and donut all advance to the final four. Popcorn and chocolate bar dominated their matches over the respective ice cream and big salty pretzel, but it was one vote that carried the nachos and donut to their victories over the hot dog and potato chips. For West Virginia Mountaineer fans, the hot dog’s and potato chips’ defeats add heartbreak to WVU’s last second loss to the Texas Longhorns on Thursday night. In the words of Charlie Brown: I can’t stand it. I just can’t stand it.
March 22, 2006: Checklist One package of Little Debbie™ Chocolate Snack Cakes. Check. One bag of Rold Gold® pretzel sticks. Check. One bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos™. Check. One battery-powered, operational remote control. Check. Two kitties. Check. Two cans of Black Cherry Vanilla Coca-Cola™. Check. My loving spouse. Check. Ok. We’re ready to watch a new episode of Lost.
March 22, 2006: It’s Freezing Outside, But That’s Not Stopping Day Thirteen Of The DBET Vote now for your favorites. The new matchups are below. (Thanks, again, to Wabi-Sabi for his help with the survey). Voting ends at 8:00 p.m. on Thursday. March 21, 2006: DBET Elite Eight The sixth-seeded nachos upset the second-ranked cinnamon roll to advance to the elite eight. The nachos will now challenge the hot dog for bragging rights and a trip to the final four. Here are the new matchups:
Voting begins soon. If you’re unsure of your picks, why not sample some while watching a fresh episode of Lost this week? Or if you’re still unsure of your choices, you could also try these snacks during Thursday’s game between West Virginia and Texas. Go Mountaineers! And go donut! March 19, 2006: No Points For Passion From today’s Yahoo! article on George Mason’s 63-60 upset of the North Carolina Tar Heels, here’s the reaction of Tar Heels coach, Roy Smith, in the waning seconds of the game: Williams was so upset as it wound down that he picked up his folding chair and slammed it down courtside. I wouldn’t want to be in the locker room with Coach Smith after this one. But he’s welcome to watch the West Virginia Mountaineers in their sweet sixteen match with my family--provided he doesn’tt slam our furniture, of course. Voting continues in the DBET until tomorrow, March 20, at 6:00 p.m.
March 18, 2006: Sweet (And Salty) Sixteen Update: Vote now in the new poll! (Thanks, Jim). After the first round matches, all top-seeded snackies have advanced to the round of sixteen. Although the final tallies indicate a tie between the lollipop and the soda cracker, lollipop had a one vote lead when the voting closed and the pundits declared the hot dog’s victory over the sunflower. To be frank (ahem), I don’t think it’s gonna matter because the hot dog’s playing for pride now and has the momentum on its side. Here are the new matches. Consider your choices carefully:
March 17, 2006: BREAKING. . . HOT DOG WINS! In an amazing comeback, the hot dog has won its first round match in the Donutbuzz Big Eats Tournament (DBET). Analysts atttribute its resurgence to strong support from the West Virginia Hot Dog Blog and its urgent plea for West Virginia hot dog fans to vote in support of the snack against its nemesis, the sunflower seed. Stay tuned for further developments. . . .
March 17, 2006: Sunflower Seeds? SUNFLOWER SEEDS? Since I posted on Wednesday, several more readers have voted for their favorite snackies in bracket two. It seems that several of you prefer sunflower seeds over hot dogs. That’s surprising. I can understand the debate between whether a lollipop or a soda cracker is better than the other. But the battle between a sunflower seed and a hot dog? I don’t get it. Either we have several baseball players voting or there’s a rather vocal contingent of sunflower seed lovers who have remained silent--until now. No tournament would be enjoyable without the occasional upset, however. We all know that the better singers often get voted off on American Idol before the end of the show. The people have spoken. And in this case, that means we need another vote (or votes) to break that tie between the sunflower seed and the hot dog. Vote now. Yeah, go ahead and support those seeds. See if I care.
The Ides Of March 2006: Tournament Update If you haven’t voted in the candy tournament, why not take a few seconds now (click on the below links). Jim at Wabi-Sabi has taken the time and effort to create survey links, and based on current projections, we expect the following teams to advance: First bracket: Chocolate bar, donut, sugar cookie, potato chips, big salty pretzel, raisins, apple and banana. Second bracket: Ice cream, cinammon roll, popcorn, hot dog, oatmeal snack cake, nachos, puffed cheese snack and--in the only potential upset in the making--soda cracker, which has a lead over the lollipop. There’s still time to register your vote in the second bracket. Now. . . about the Ides of March. . . I had planned to write something, but I had a busy day at work. So I’m too tired to post anything. I do like the song Vehicle, however, by the Ides of March band. March 14, 2006: Still More Eats
Sixteen more teams, eight more matchups. Vote here. Tomorrow: Early returns from tonight’s bracket two matchups and final tallies from bracket one and March 13, 2006: Big Eats Update After eleven votes, we have no surprise in the first matchups of favorite snackies. Personally, I’m a little miffed that the banana has garnered more votes than the beef jerky. March 12, 2006: Let The Games Begin! Thanks to the time and effort of Jim, it’s now time to cast your votes for your favorite snackies in the Big Eats Tournament. To vote, click here. Look for the second bracket soon and an update on the results! Update 3/13/06: Based on early returns (and by early returns, I mean six votes), the top four favored snackies--chocolate bar, potato chips, donut and sugar cookie--are dominating their respective matchups over the rice cake, celery stalk, carrot and pork rinds. Big salty pretzel, raisins and apple have a 4-2 lead over the cereal, oysters and marshmallow. And, in perhaps the biggest surprise, the banana and beef jerky are tied at 3-3. March 9, 2006: The Big Eats Tournament If you’re following NCAA basketball, then you know that this has been an awesome year for nationally-ranked West Virginia and several other teams in the Big East conference. Based on current polls, the league has six teams in the top 25, including the top two teams, Connecticut and Villanova. As many as nine teams--Connecticut, Villanova, Georgetown, West Virginia, Marquette, Pittsburgh, Seton Hall, Cincinnati and Syracuse--could receive a bid to the NCAA tournament. If you’re not following NCAA basketball, I don’t know why you’d be reading this second paragraph now. But I’m glad you are because it’s March and that means it’s also time for the second annual Donutbuzz National Candy Assortment Invitational Tournament. Or as we call it: The NCAIT. Last year, we (and by we, I mean me) selected 64 candies for inclusion in the inaugural tournament, and the always awesome Reese Cup won as the best candy. Rather than repeat the candy tournament again this year, we (and by we I mean my wife and I) have decided to host a tournament of our favorite snackies for the second annual NCAIT. Or as we now redesignate it: The Donutbuzz Big Eats Tournament. The Donutbuzz Big Eats Tournament (DBET) differs from the NCAIT in three respects: 1) It features a greater variety of foods; 2) It has only 32--not 64--selections. (This is because I don’t have the time or energy to include the full 64 snackies. Maybe that’s a clue that I shouldn’t eat snackies. But I digress.); and 3) The DBET has seedings based on tastiness. Without further ado, here are your first 2006 DBET pairings:
The next pairings will feature “snackies on the bubble.” Feel free to suggest any favorites in the comments.
March 5, 2006: We’d Like To Thank The Academy I watched only three of the films nominated for Academy Awards. If it weren’t for dvds, I wouldn’t have seen Cinderella Man or Crash or Walk The Line because I seldom see movies in the theater now. I prefer watching a film at the movie theater. I dig getting that giant tub of popcorn saturated with butter, watching the half dozen previews for other movies and experiencing that vibe of watching a flick with an audience that you simply can’t capture in your living room. This all assumes, of course, that nobody in the audience has any screaming children, in which case you could experience the same vibe of watching a flick at our home. It’s kinda cool if you’ve seen Finding Nemo several times without the distractions, but I don’t recommend it for The Emperor’s Club. Back in the day (and that would mean before 2003), I usually watched every film nominated for a major award. I missed Boys Don’t Cry in 1999, but only because no theater in my town played that film--remarkable considering that Hilary Swank won for best actress that year. It’s something that I would have ranted about if I had maintained a regular weblog then. That reminds me: Ian has posted his picks for tonight’s awards. Unlike me, he’s familiar with the films and I look forward to reading his later recap of tonight’s show. My wife and I plan on watching the Academy Awards this year. From both of us, we’d like to thank the Academy for allowing ABC to televise this event, especially because we don’t subscribe to premium cable in our household and we really miss watching Jon Stewart on The Daily Show.
March 1, 2006: Crappy Birthday to You Next time I decide to honor a loved one’s special day in the time-honored female tradition of baking something, remind me that I royally screwed up the 4-H cooking class I was forced to take as a kid -- screwed it up almost as badly as the sewing class. Let’s just say there was an incident in which some blood spurted from a chicken leg as I was turning it over with some tongs, and I refused to go back into the kitchen for years. My meager participation ribbon belongs entirely to my mother. But I digress. A family member who helped us out with some babysitting back when we were moving has a birthday tomorrow. We have never exchanged gifts, but she’s been extra good to my kids, so I wanted to do something special. My son, in what I’m sure was a purely selfless act, suggested making cupcakes. So we made cupcakes. And then we made the icing. Except we didn’t have nearly enough powdered sugar. Now, I could’ve stopped what I was doing, hopped into the car, and rushed to the grocery for more powdered sugar, except there was one problem: a chocolate-covered kid standing on a step stool peering into the icing bowl asking if he could ice the cupcakes yet. Sigh. So I used regular sugar. Betty Crocker, my 4-H leader, and my mother would not have approved. After dinner tonight, my husband and kids begged to sample the cupcakes, and so I gave in, making sure the birthday girl would still have plenty of cupcakes, including the extra-special “elephant cupcake” that my son decorated with icing two inches high and an long icing “trunk” trailing over the edge. My husband took a bite and raised an eyebrow, and only then did I remember the granular sugar. “Oh,” I said, “I forgot to tell you. The icing might be a little crunchy.” Trying to crunch his cupcake as casually as he could, he smiled a little too enthusiastically and said, “On purpose?” Sigh. So she might throw out the cupcakes as soon as we leave tomorrow. At least I have a card for her, I thought. And then I remembered the card. I’ve been sick, so my husband went to the grocery store the last time for me. The birthday card was on the shopping list, and I just told him to use his judgment. Well, he did. It was a Looney Toons Happy Birthday card with Porky Pig on the inside saying, “Th-th-th-that’s all, folks!” Did I mention I’m a stutterer? Now, I don’t have a problem with Porky Pig per se. I mean, I’m not out there marching around with a “Down With Porky Pig” sign or anything, but still, he makes me a tad uncomfortable. This is my issue, I realize. Just as the fact that after laughing through that hilarious stuttering lawyer scene in My Cousin Vinny, I went to my room and bawled my eyes out, is also my issue. So I decided to keep my mouth shut and just thank him for the card. But he had to ask me, “Did you like the card I picked out?” Pause. “Yeah, it was fine.” “Did you see the inside?” You know, come to think of it, why do we try for perfection in gift-giving? Life’s not perfect. Nobody is perfect. How about if we all came bearing gifts that reflected our own imperfections and idiosyncrasies? Maybe I’ve been going about this all wrong! Maybe from now all my gifts will be sewn, baked, or dramatically read. So tomorrow I’ll hold my head high as I deliver crunchy cupcakes and a stuttering pig. It’s the very best I have to offer.
March 1, 2006: I Remember I remember cash registers and big, brown biodegradable grocery bags. I remember the library card catalog. I remember my record player, my 45s, and all my favorite Beatles’ B-sides. I remember watching my family’s Super 8 home movies. I remember having to wait to discover the score of a late night West Coast baseball game in tomorrow’s afternoon paper. I remember rabbit ears, UHF, and black and white television sets. I remember mimeograph machines and grade school tests in purple ink. I remember when nobody wrote books for Dummies or Idiots. I remember rolling hills and mountains without Wal*Marts. I remember when you had to leave your home to meet new friends. I remember when there was only one variety of Coca-Cola, Doritos, Reese Cups and Kit Kat bars. And, of course, I remember rooms without electrical outlet covers.
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