http://www.donutbuzz.com A place for my thoughts...when I feel like posting them here. Fri, 05 Mar 2010 22:45:08 GMT ListGarden Program 1.02 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss http://www.donutbuzz.com I think it’s pretty obvious1 who will win the Best Supporting Actor/Actress awards on Sunday. Mo’Nique wins for her amazing turn in Precious and Christoph2 Waltz wins for Inglourious Basterds3. So I’m not going to waste space on the other nominees4. If I could cast a ballot, here are my picks for a few other awards: Quentin Tarantino for Best Director. Every year that he makes5 a film, they should just give him this award and then devise the “Who’s playing for Second” trophy for everyone else. Terry O’Quinn for Best Supporting Actor. I just stuck that in here to make sure that you’re paying attention and because it’s so important that it rates bigger type than a footnote and because I also feel compelled to repeat that I still think that Lost rocks and that it’s pretty obvious that Terry O’Quinn’s performance as not one, not two...but three Lockes this season...is the best thing on television6. If you’re not watching Lost, I pity you. I really do. Randy Newman7 for Original Song. You know what I wrote about QT? Well, that’s how I feel8 about Randy Newman. Sheesh...he’s got TWO frickin’ nominations for this category!!! I realize that nobody but my family and I saw The Princess and the Frog, but the whole soundtrack for that film rocked and Newman’s sound contributed greatly to it. FOOTNOTES 1As Richard Schickel says in this week’s Time: “These aren’t contests, they’re coronations.” 2I have to remind myself his name is not “Christopher” every time I think of him. If he’s ever the answer to a question on Jeopardy! in the category “The Film Nazi,” can’t you just see someone calling him “Christopher” and then seeing Trebek say “Oh....sorry....it’s CHRISTOPH...not Christoper...” and then seeing the contestant who filched the answer smirking in delight. Man, that Alex is such a prig! 3The more I think about it this so-called pool this year, the more I think this film should win Best Picture. I’m hoping for a serious “gaming of the vote” by the voters and some Harvey Weinstein magic to make this happen. 4Except I will say that despite what several paid critics have said that Matt Damon really didn’t do anything that special in The Informant! that merited a Best Supporting Actor nod. And, man, did The Informant! suck! And I don’t think that Anna Kendrick or Vera Farmiga should have both received nominations for Up in The Air. But I do think they’re both hot, and if there were a “Hottest Best Supporting Actress” Oscar, I can definitely see both of them nominated. (But I’d have to give my vote to Vera Farmiga. RRowwrrr!!!) 5By “makes,” I mean “writes and directs.” Quentin Tarantino is simply incapable of making a bad flick if he assumes both writing and directing responsibilities. That’s also why I give him a pass for producing those Hostel flicks. 6Look, if you’re faced with the decision of watching either Idol or Lost on Tuesdays, it shouldn’t really be that difficult of a decision. Ask yourself this question: “Ten years from now what show am I going to remember watching on Tuesday in 2010?” Unless you have the recall of Ken Jennings, you’re not gonna have any idea who the hell was singing what but you will remember how much Locke kicked ass as Smokey and the crazy reveal of one of the last episodes of the final season of Lost. That’s because Lost is event television, and if you just don’t “watch” it like Idol--you experience it, baby! And don’t even get me started by telling me you worry about missing something on The Biggest Loser, either. 7Years ago, I forgave Randy Newman for his 1970s ditty “Short People.” Even though I got teased incredibly about it in the late 1970s everytime that fucking song played. 8I was wondering if I should have typed “think” instead of “feel” there, but I ultimately went with the “feel” (heh heh) because I’m kinda emotional like that. If you’re ever selecting a jury, in fact, listen to the words people use because if someone uses “think” as opposed to “feel” then you know that you need to make a reasoned rather than an emotional appeal to that person. Anyway, that’ what I think. Fri, 05 Mar 2010 22:45:00 GMT http://www.donutbuzz.com I haven’t had an orthodox career, and I’ve wanted more than anything to have your respect. The first time I didn’t feel it, but this time I feel it, and I can’t deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!--Sally Field Most people, if you ask them1, think Sally Field said “You like me, you really like” when she accepted her Oscar for Places in the Heart. But that’s not what she really said: It’s funny2 how perception works. But as YouTube proves, perception is reality3, and like it or not, the perception of what someone does and/or how a movie plays often determines what happens on Oscar night. Ok. Enough bullshit. Let’s rock4. 2010 OSCAR FOR BEST ACTRESS And the nominees are: Sandra Bullock for Sandra Bullock in a serious dramatic role that is not in a romantic comedy, a speeding bus or a sequel with William Shatner making goofy faces5. Carey Mulligan for Who?!?6 Gabourey Sidibe for An amazing breakout performance that should--but unfortunately won’t--win an Oscar.7 Helen Mirren for Something serious that has no car chases, exploding robots or her in a bikini.8 and, finally, Meryl Streep for Meryl Streep9. And the Oscar goes to. . . . I say Bullock. Let’s hope I’m wrong10. 1I’m assuming that “most people” are movie fans, and that “most people” know who Sally Field is. That’s a mighty big assumption when you realize that when you mention Franz Ferdinand “most people” now think of a rock band instead of the dude who prompted the outbreak of World War I. One hundred years from now, someone will start a band, name it “Sally Field” and Google--which by then will be a multi-quadrillion company controlling thousands of hamburger and tanning bed franchises--will rank the “Sally Field” band first in its results for “Sally Field.” You watch. 2No, it’s not. 3This is my mantra, and, in fact, I’m more certain of this than the sun rising tomorrow. Of course, the notion of “the sun rising tomorrow” is nothing more than a collective perception shared by “most people” in the world. This is subject to change when 1) “Most people” decide the sun will not rise tomorrow and impose their belief on the minority and/or 2) when Google’s Bayesian algorithm results in “sun will not rise tomorrow” as the first search result to the question “Will the sun rise tomorrow?” 4I’m stealing “Let’s rock” from Mr. Chinchilla. Actually, Mr. Chinchilla is a creation of mine, and I figure that gives me the right to appropriate the chinchilla’s schtick. And besides, the dancing little man in Twin Peaks used it first, and I really think that subconsciously I took it from him. 5The Blind Side 6An Education 7Precious 8 The Last Station 9Julie & Julia 10This is the category where I am pulling for an upset--hell, I’d be totally psyched if what’s-her-name from that Broccoli Movie wins just as long as it isn’t Bullock. In a perfect world (the world, not the lame Kevin Costner film directed by Philo Beddoe), Gabourey Sidibe wins this. If she does, you’ll hear me screaming for joy wherever you are. Wed, 03 Mar 2010 04:31:23 GMT http://www.donutbuzz.com For a long time, I’ve thought that when someone introduces the Best Actor and Actress Oscar nominees that the Academy should have its orchestra blast out a really kickass dance tune, and, really there’s no better mix than some C & C Music Factory1 to get this party started2: 2010 OSCAR FOR BEST ACTOR3 Up In The Air: When George Clooney first appeared on the screen, a lady in our movie theater whispered loudly4 “He’s still good looking.” My sister and I both chuckled, and then last week, she (my sister, not the lady in the theater) forwarded me an e-mail with all these really groovy pictures of famous folks when they were young, and I figured this would be as good an opportunity as any to thank my sister for sending me this pre-Tiger Beat5 pic of the Clooney and for proving once again beauty is only skin deep until it matures and then it’s worth some major box office mojo for ya. I dig George Clooney. On camera, he’s convincing. Off camera, he’s personable. I guess that’s why he’s nominated again for an Oscar because everyone, Oscar voters included, also dig him. But you can’t convince me that Clooney’s performance as Ryan Bingham is his best work. If anything, it’s a conflicted character that reminds me of his recent turn as Michael Clayton except that I think his Clayton, ironically, had much more savvy and a better grasp of his place in the world. (Spoiler alert6: Stop reading if you haven’t seen Michael Clayton and/or deeply care about how it ends, scroll past the picture of the young man7 wearing the suit and tie, and then skip the first paragraph after that.) Spoiler space Spoiler space Spoiler space Spoiler space Spoiler space Spoiler space Spoiler space Spoiler space Ok. Remember how dumbfounded Ryan Bingham was after he discovered Alex was married with kids? As soon as he started his mad trek8 to Alex’s apartment, I elbowed my sister as if to say “Oh, boy, here it comes” because it was pretty obvious that Alex had a family. But Ryan Bingham didn’t have a clue, and he just stood there looking like someone killed his puppy. Michael Clayton would have realized from the get go that Alex was just looking for fuck buddy, and he would have continued the affair until Alex’s husband discovered it and placed an explosive device under his car. *****************END OF SPOILER!******************** Clooney certainly deserves the honor of this year’s nomination. But Ryan Bingham is not the role that’s going to land him an Oscar this year. And here’s your answer why: Jeff Bridges/Crazy Heart: I haven’t seen this film yet. But the buzz9 says this is Bridges’ Oscar and I believe it. That’s why I plan on seeing this film tomorrow. Colin Firth/A Single Man: I call this the “NPR Nomination” because where else are you initially going to hear about this film? When I heard Click and Clack discuss the “elegiac feature debut” from designer Tom Ford and Firth’s subtle, nuanced acting as a college professor who loses his lover, I just knew that I had to head down to the nearest theater to catch this one. NOT. The pretentious language comes from an EW recap and I think it was Terry Gross whom I first heard gush about this Broccoli Flick10. Jeremy Renner/The Hurt Locker11: I watched this on Friday with my wife, and, honestly, I thought that Renner was reprising his role as a sergeant from 28 Weeks Later with the chief difference being his not having to fend off zombies. When I told my wife this, she said that she didn’t even remember Renner in 28 Weeks Later. Sure, Renner’s acting in The Hurt Locker deserves accolades, but does it merit an Oscar statue? I guess that’s the difference between playing a sergeant in a zombie flick and playing a sergeant who defues IEDs in a film about the horrors of war that’s nominated--and just might win--Best Picture. Morgan Freeman/Invictus: For many of us, Morgan Freeman is, was and always will be Easy Reader from The Electric Company12. Had he never appeared in Driving Miss Daisy and experienced his career resurgence in the late 1980s, nothing would have diminished the effect Morgan Freeman had on my generation. It’s just that simple, and, if you own nothing else in your dvd collection, I urge you to purchase the all available volumes of The Electric Company. I say this because original Electric Company is just that awesome and I have not seen Invictus yet. 1Has it really been almost 20 years since I got my groove on to this in the dance clubs? Man, you talk about making some serious sweat! I really had all the ladies mesmerized with my amazing dance moves as I got down on the New Orleans dance floor! Just kidding--that’s only how I want to remember it. 2Another kickass groove, but I previously used Pink’s tune when I posted a satire about Supermanch’s spending over $3 million to redecorate his mansion. By the way, how cool would it be to get elected governor and have a dozen HD sets in your mansion? I’d probably have to bill the taxpayers for several hundred crates of Gatorade after working up all that sweat dancing to some C & C Music Factory on every one of my dozen HD television sets! 3I’m starting with Best Actor first because I’ve seen three of the five performances nominated and can actually post something somewhat relevant about the actual nominations. 4I was trying to think of a word in English that means “whispered loudly” but couldn’t think of one. I bet the German language has one for it because, after all, this is the same language that invented words like “Schadenfreud” for “taking delight in someone’s misfortune” and “Fahrvergnugen” for “driving pleasure.” 5I had to check with Google to confirm that Tiger Beat continues to publish. Whew! I haven’t seen a recent issue in the stores in years, and was starting to get worried there. 6If you’re using a “spoiler alert,” you really need to make certain that what your writing isn’t visible. I’ve always made damned sure that I provide ample “spoiler space” after my “spoiler alert.” That’s part of my Donutbuzz Promise™: I will never fuck up the ending of a book or movie for you. 7That’s Charles Manson 8You just can’t use the word “trek” or its forms anymore without making someone immediately think of Star Trek. This has been an accepted fact since Ricardo Montalban’s shouted “KHHAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN” in 1982. 9The buzz is not always correct, of course. Most notably, the buzz recently failed the public when it informed everyone that the Colts would overpower the Saints in this year’s Superbowl. I went on record here before the Superbowl and promised a Saints victory by five points. In fact, as far as I know, I was the only West Virginia blogger to make such a promise. Not that this matters for anything, but I’m just saying. 10A “Broccoli Flick” is any movie that you feel compelled to watch not because you want to see it (you don’t) but because it’s “good for you.” Examples of Broccoli Flicks include this year’s An Education, Frost/Nixon, any Mechant Ivory Production. 11I enjoyed The Hurt Locker more than I thought I would. Is it a coincidence that Evangeline Lilly appears in the film, too? I think not. 12In no particular order, the best Electric Company sketches: 1) Easy Reader; 2) Letterman (featuring Joan Rivers as the voiceover, Gene Wilder as Letterman and Zero Mostel as the Spellbinder); 3) “My Mother’s Brother” Melody (kickass!); 4) Silhouettes saying each part of the words; 5) Spiderman (a major reason why I’m a Marvel and not a DC guy to this day); 6) “HEY, YOU GUYS!” (never gets old--NEVER); 7) Funky guitar that plays over the sentence/word of the episode; 8) Fargo North Decoder; 9) Monolith and, of course, 10) The $6.39 man. Sun, 21 Feb 2010 22:12:39 GMT http://www.donutbuzz.com 2009 marked a change in my movie attendance from previous years: It’s the first time since the birth of my children1 that I actually attended more than a couple films in the theaters. And this is one of those times that I actually feel like posting something important to me2. 2010 OSCAR FOR BEST PICTURE Ok. First things first: Expanding the nominations from five to ten for the Best Picture is a stupid idea. Whereas3 with five films you might have a film like Jerry Maguire make the cut once every blue moon4, with ten films you definitely increase the chance of receiving some incredibly ridiculous5 Best Picture nominations. As proof that this phenomenon has already6 occurred, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the prosecution offers you Exhibit 1: Seriously, I dig the film, but does anyone in his or her right mind really think that District 9 is going to win Best Picture? When you consider it, District 9 is nothing more than Robocop meets Alienation without the cheesy graphics. That simply doesn’t justify the accolades we’re hearing and here’s the test for confirmation: Ask yourself “If we could only select five films for the Best Picture category, could you ever see District 9 making the cut?” ‘Nuf ced. Second, adding more films to the Best Picture category imposes an additional burden on me as I explained in footnote 1. Third, the Oscars last too long and I just don’t see how increasing the number of Best Picture nominations is going to allow me to finish watching the broadcast. The good news is I have actually seen several of the ten films for Best Picture. In no particular order: Up In The Air: This won’t win, but unlike District 9, you can envision8 “Up In The Air” as a Best Picture nomination. Again, it won’t win, but I’m just saying. (I have much more to say about this film, but it involves the actors, which I’ll save for another post later. If I feel like it.) A Serious Man: When people joke about West Virginia, it pisses me off. With the exception of Supermanch9, our state has amazing people, cultures and resources. That being said, when it comes to getting good flicks here in West Virginia theaters, this state sucks. One year, when I lived in Charleston, Boys Don’t Cry never played in my area at any time before the Oscar telecast. And Hilary Swank won the Best Actress award for that picture! I realize that she was also Carly in Beverly Hills 90210, too, but you have a film featuring a Best Actress nomination and you can’t find a way to get that into your state’s theaters before the Oscars? What the fuck?!? I missed A Serious Man because it lasted about as long at my local Marquee Cinema as Mel Gibson’s Reader’s Digest response to a question about the Jews and the Holocaust. Speaking of which, I’ve heard some folks claim A Serious Man is anti-Semitic. Say the following in your best Dr. Evil voice: Ri-i-i-i-i-ght. I really shouldn’t have to remind anyone of this, but the Coen brothers--and not Mel Gibson--made A Serious Man. Capice10? Up11: An amazing animated picture. When a sequence prompts floods of tears in an audience, you’ve really achieved something. John Lasseter and company deserve major props for developing Pixar into the creative juggernaut it is. Up is clearly the Best Animated Feature; but it is not the “Best Picture.” Precious12: Now here’s a film I’d like to see win “Best Picture.” It features all the elements you’d look for in winner picture: A story that’s simultaneously tragic and inspiring with engaging, memorable characters, and, last but certainly not least, Mariah Carey without any makeup. If that’s not a Best Picture, I don’t know what is. Of course, it will lose Best Picture because this is James Cameron’s world and Mariah Carey just lives in it. Avatar: I haven’t seen it. I’m still digging my new HD television, and can only take one amazing technological movie-watching innovation at a time, people! I really dislike the thought of this winning Best Picture before I’ve seen it in the theater, but that’s exactly what happened last year with Slumdog Millionaire13. The Hurt Locker: It’s first in my Netflix Queue and it’s available! That means I should have it to watch this weekend. Of course, I’m still waiting to see The Hangover, too, so this may be another case of OOAS14. The Blind Side: I really wanted to see this one with my wife, but when my sister visited us and we all found time to watch a movie last Hanukkah15, we opted for Precious instead. I almost went to The Blind Side by myself on a Friday afternoon--or as I like to call it “Hooky Style16,” but it just didn’t feel right. Inglourious Basterds: Before the release of this movie, I was a pretty big Tarantino fanboy; after watching Inglourious Basterds I’m a card-carrying member of the Quention Tarantino Is The Man Club™. History--including cinematic retellings of that history--is written by survivors. Tarantino gets it17. With a smaller field of films, maybe Inglourious Basterds has a good chance at winning the Best Picture. With nine other films, it won’t. An Education: This is the kind of film that I would avoid like the plague but that I might feel compelled to watch because it’s been nominated. It’s like having to eat broccoli with your steak and potatoes not because the broccoli tastes good (it doesn’t) but because it’s good for you. Well, I say fuck that shit. If this thing wins Best Picture, let the OOAS syndrome happen because I’m skipping it18. FOOTNOTES 1Before 2003, I was usually able to watch every film that was nominated for Best Picture before the night the Academy Awards aired. But when the children arrived, I was lucky if I caught the Lord of the Rings flicks in the theaters. Do you know how hard it is to find a reliable babysitter in these times of electrical outlet covers and helicopter parenting? Although not getting to watch many films in the theater is a downside to responsible parenting, the upside is that I now have a greater appreciation for The Wiggles and their songwriting craft. 2The evolution of West Virginia blogging can be divided into two major periods: “Before Facebook” (2002-late 2007) and “After Facebook” (late 2007 - present). The “Before Facebook” period was marked by the rapid evolution of an involved and devoted community of bloggers who first communicated using a primitive blogging application once known as “Haloscan.” The “Haloscan Phase” of West Virginia blogging last from 2004 to 2006 until the arrival of the first official “West Virginia Blogger Message Board” around late 2006, which is when the Golden Age of West Virginia Blogging arrived and hundreds of West Virginia Bloggers discovered each others blogs and posted their opinions on message boards. This, in turn, fueled more frequent blog posts by everyone, which fueled more comments and resulted in an absolutely thriving blogging community. Really, it was pretty damn cool and there was a palpable feeling of awesomeness if you were a part of it. Then a war developed among a few bloggers, the message board disappeared in late 2007 and West Virginia blogging has never really recovered. By the time some folks developed a complete listing of everyone’s blogs in 2008, most bloggers didn't care too much. It was kinda of like what happened with the recent rise and crash of American financial markets except that nobody lost a shirt because everyone blogged for free and Bernie Madoff wasn’t involved. Someday Danny Boyd should make a documentary film about West Virginia blogging in the first decade of the century. You could call it “My Life As A Blog.” I bet you it would make more money than Strangest Dreams. 3Whereas is one of those words that you just shouldn’t use in a blog post unless you’re one of those legal eagle types that writes a “blawg,” and even then, it’s probably a good idea not to use it because you should write like you talk and when was the last time you were at a party and said something like “Well, Britney Spears’ career has certainly improved whereas Jessica Simpson could use some better spin control”? See what I mean? I’m totally aware that “whereas” sticks out like clothed genitals at a nudist camp, but I still used it because I think it works in the paragraph and I’m a lawyer who would probably say “Well, Britney Spears’ career has certainly improved whereas Jessica Simpson could use better spin control” at a party. 4Blue moons occur about once every two years. I know this because I posted about it several years ago when I talked about the probability of Randy Moss getting busted for smoking pot. I would link to the Wikipedia post about “blue moons” for you but since the dawn of the “After Facebook” period, I seldom link to anything that I know you can figure out for yourself. The overuse of links is something that probably merits its own footnote, and, in fact, I think I even posted about that a few years ago, too. See, if you do this as long as I have, you risk repeating yourself. 5I really wanted to use the word “shitty.” 6True story: Over 20 years ago, when I was looking for a job in advertising as a copywriter, I sent out a resume with a cartoon featuring a satire of the Pillsbury Doughboy and the Hamburger Helpers engaged in an all-out war. I can’t draw worth a shit, however, and so I left it to one of my co-editors at my humor magazine to illustrate it for me. Her illustrations rocked, but her spelling was atrocious, and she misspelled several words, including “loosing” for “losing.” She also used “already” instead of “all ready.” Now at the time, I thought “already” was proper form--and it is now although the two spellings result in different meanings (“already” means “previously” and “all ready” means “entirely ready” and/or “prepared.”). Anyway, I got the Nastiest Rejection Letter Ever in response to one of my mass mailings where this guy named Roger took out a scalpel and proceeded to eviscerate my cover letter and dream of ever being a copywriter for his firm. I mean, this rejection letter was so bad that when I showed it to friends they’d all have the same reaction and make the face you get when you watch the ending of Lone Star. Yeah, it was that bad. And this is always my thought process whenever I use the word “already.” 7Cool. I have a footnote about a footnote. I still love blogging sometimes! 8Should I have just used “see” instead of “envision.” Absolutely. Do I care? No. 9You know politics are pretty bad in your state when a guy who is embroiled in controversies including the MBA his daughter received, the firing of a long-term archives director and a high-profile appeal in which he filed a brief and claimed he “wasn’t taking sides”--just to name the big three--still wins by a landslide over his two opponents. By the way, what’s up with that Spelter decison, anyway? 10That’s Yiddish for “trust me, you don’t want to go there.” And, no, A Serious Man won’t win Best Picture, either. 11Up is an example of a kids’ film that isn’t really a kids’ film. Pixar films have always featured stories that entertain on dual levels for kids and adults. Only after acquiring Pixar did Disney learn how to incorporate the lessons from Pixar, and, in fact, The Princess and The Frog features Disney’s best two-dimensional animated feature since Aladdin. Perhaps the most prescient thing Robin Williams ever said about anything was when he explained his work in Aladdin as a “Disney cartoon dressed up in Warner’s drag.” He was exactly, right. It would have helped Disney, too, if it had developed a better computer animation division. I guess it’s just a good thing that ol’ Walt and company had the billions to buy Pixar. 12Precious is definintely not a date movie. 13I call this the “Out of Africa Syndrome.” This occurs when a film I haven’t seen wins the Best Picture award. Previous occurrences of OOAS: 1987 with The Last Emperor (I don’t know how this happened because it’s not like I didn’t have time back then--maybe I just watched that boiling rabbit scene from Fatal Attraction more than I knew); 1990 Dances With Wolves; 1995 Braveheart (I had planned on seeing this with my girlfriend but I broke up with her on the evening we were supposed to see this movie. She claimed she was at home all day and didn’t receive my calls, and I’m like “Yeah, right, whatever....I think I’ve had enough of this relationship and I’d rather play Sega Genesis than spend time with you.” I saw her a few years ago at a seminar and she married the guy she dated right after our break up and has several kids with him); 1996 The English Patient (Still didn’t have a girlfriend to see this one with after that breakup); 2008 Slumdog Millionaire. As you can see, I don’t often miss watching the eventual Best Picture, and it looks like I may never see Braveheart now. 14You really must read the footnotes with the above text or you have no idea what I’m saying. 15For a long time, I would have said “Christmas” when I referred to the time I did something in December. But I’m an empowered Jew now and so I just say Hanukkah. 16My father instilled in me an appreciation for films when I was very young. One of the first films he took me to was Pinocchio, and I still recall how scared I used to get whenever he would mention “Pleasure Island” where the bad boys went. These days, I still feel a twinge of guilt whenever I take some personal time from work and go see a movie on a Friday afternoon--and I’m the boss! What I’ve discovered is that going to see an occasional movie during the week is good for the soul. That and I still haven’t turned into a donkey yet. 17I’ve watched Inglourious Basterds twice now and I’m really wondering if Quentin Tarantino is Jewish. One thing I know for certain: He ain’t related to Mel Gibson. 18Did “An Education” even play anywhere in West Virginia? Not that I would have ever chosen to see this film on my own volition19. 19Ending this post with a footnote on an actual footnote feels right. Mon, 15 Feb 2010 17:14:13 GMT